The saga continues. As of last Friday, it was recommended to me to "straighten up and fly right" this year by my boss. It seems that all of the project managers that I worked with last year were disappointed with my overall performance. Oh well. I knew things were rough, but not that rough. I stated my case, and tried really hard not to make everything sound like an excuse. I still choke up when I talk about last year, which is really weird. I'm thinking its from remembering how shitty and helpless I felt when I was once again waiting at Kaseman hospital to pee-in-a-cup so I could get my never ending UTI treated. Add to that the regular trips to the wound clinic to have the still open wounds on my legs and feet looked at.

Last year was the first year that my spinal cord injury really started to affect my overall health. I guess its a good thing that I was able to delay any bad side effects until now, but nonetheless its still a cold slap in the face realizing that being paralyzed is finally starting to catch up with my health.

I've been successful, for two whole days now, on being to work on time. I used to really value timeliness, but like other values I once held, that has somehow slipped into irrelevance. Why? I don't know. Maybe if I can get that piece of behavior straightened out more will follow.

Beth is home for the day, and tomorrow is her birthday. She was already feeling a bit down about yet another b'day, so I need to make sure I present as special a day to her as possible. So, I'm taking the afternoon off to spend with my bride. She is such a trip and I truly don't know what I'd do without her.

Peace.

I wish I had something really positive to say, but I'm forced to make do with what I've got. Hmmm, must be a song in there somewhere.

Jim came in and informed me today that he was disappointed in the way I performed on his last roadway project. Big surprise. Yada yada yada.....things in my life kept me from performing to his expectations, etc. Too bad. I'm learning, 16 years in to this career, that there is no way that I can please everyone. I'm so trying not to be so hard on myself that I end up whimpering in the corner. No more "life" excuses. I'm going to do my work to the level that I can submit with a clear conscience, and that the client will pay for. My work is fine, has always been fine, and is certainly worth what the client pays us. End of story.

Maybe this is a positive post.

Courtesy of Bill, I'm going to go find and re-read Catch-22. Its been at least 35 years(!) since I've read the book in high school. Think I'll pick up anything I missed then?

Peace.

So as of the third of January, 2007, my sister Sheri is headed back to the New Mexico Women's Correctional Facility for at least a year. This is in response to her inability to meet the terms of her parole which in turn was a result of her ongoing association with drugs, mostly methamphetimines. Sheri has long had a drug habit, and as a consequence, has basically lost her ability to live as a free, productive person in our society. There are a lot of reasons why she lives life as a cork-in-the-river unable to change the course of her life, but the bottom line is she is once again a guest of the State. What the hell. I'm tearing myself up trying to figure out what to do with all the crap that Beth cleaned out of her apartment over a year ago when she got evicted. I'm tearing myself up waiting for the day to come a year from now when she gets out of prison and NOTHING HAS CHANGED! She will still have no survival skills, she will have no place to stay, and she will expect me to provide for her. Damn. There is no end to the suffering of the human condition in this world, and with more than 6 billion of us crawling across the face of mother earth, there must be a lot of sorrow emanating into space.

Work has been slow, but nonetheless I am getting kind of excited about looking for new work and trying to take my career in a new direction. Maybe, just maybe, I can actually dig out a niche in PB for water and wastewater work. Stay tuned. There may also be a chance for Todd, Tim and me to spend some time on the road (SF and Portland) in order to bring some work back to ABQ. We'll see.

Finally, it looks like our loser-in-chief is going ahead with his plan to escalate the US's involvement in Iraq by sending in an additional 20,000 troops. I can't believe my ears when I hear my fellow countrymen repeating the neo-con drivel that this escalation will allow us to "win" in Iraq. What does "win" mean? Do they really think that the US is going to bully the Iraqi people into burying their secular resentments between the Shias and the Sunnis? Do the Bush supporters really believe that our continued involvement in Iraq will somehow make us safer here? Do any of them actually believe that all of Al Qaeda worldwide is focusing their efforts in Iraq which will keep them from a repeat of the terrorist attacks of 9/11? Get real people. The guy that masterminded the 9/11 attacks is still unaccounted for. Don't the Bush supporters realize that us fighting Al Qaeda insurgents in Iraq keep us occupied while the remainder of Al Qaeda is free to operate elsewhere? How does that make us safer?

I do believe that the people that back Bush are totally incapable of addressing any of the nuances that may lead them to question the wisdom of our 42 president. Blind, stupid obedience is all they understand and somehow that approach to life in the US seems like patriotism to them. Fortunately, if the polls are to believed, only about 17% of the country agrees with the fool in the white house. There is some hope.

Finally, as my friend Ruan says, there is a special place in hell (?) for pundits like Rush and Slant Head Hannity. So to that end, here is a Tom Tomorrow cartoon from the holidays last year dedicated to holiday punditry. A little late, but fun nonetheless.

Peace.

Todd had a desk calendar last year that presented daily "space facts" and various images from terrestrial space agencies.

I want to post the last entry from 2006. I really like the overall perspective that I get when I am afforded a small glance at this infinite universe.

Enjoy. Peace.

Kewl. Nothing to do at work, literally. We have no jobs to work on, so I'm kind of casting about looking for work. This is the first time that this has happened in my career, so I'm mixed between being worried about being laid off and happy that I'm in total cruise mode. I know this lull will end, so I will definitely make the best of it.

There is still snow on the ground five days after the snowstorm. Digging back in the memory banks, I don't recall many other storms that have left so much snow on the ground so long after the snowfall. Just doesn't happen in the part of New Mexico. I continue to get my car stuck at the interface of the driveway and the street, although I think that's going to resolve itself with if it stays sunny for a few more days.

Todd stopped by the house this morning and did some shoveling for me, totally on his own. That was very kewl.

Beth has still not moved to the outpatient part of her residency yet, so last night was another late night (home around 12 PM), followed by her being on-call tonight. I can not wait until her schedule lightens up some and turns back into mostly day work.

I need to get my shit together and go scuba diving with Joseph in San Diego. It will be a total blast, but diving in the Pacific is usually pretty gear intensive, since the water is so damn cold. I'd like to dive dry, but I definitely need to go get checked on for dry suit diving before we get in the ocean. Stay tuned.

Peace.

Wow, once again the months have cruised by and nary a new post.

Oh well. Lots to say, but most of it is going to sound like a broken record, at least to my ears.

Its the first day in the year 2007. I need to find my motivation in both work and life this year or its going to get really grim.

Enough of that.

It snowed like heck this weekend, and I was basically snowbound for all three days. The stinkin wheelchair doesn't like the snow, and I'm too lazy to go find real snow tires. Hopefully I can get my car out tomorrow morning.

Beth is trying real hard to keep an even keel under my relentless assault of self doubt and angst. I hope I don't totally burn her out, but I bet she is about fed up. Oh well, maybe if we can get somewhat even on our finances we can actually take a trip and try to chill out.

That means I really need to give up my ebay habit. I mean, geez, how many jackets does a man need? Just one more? Strength Aldog, resist the temptation.

I had lots of things to say a minute ago, but they seem to have slipped my mind.

Here's a pic of me and the stanley cup. A friend on our game forum says I look like Eric Cartman from South Park. Hmmm, guess its time to start exercising again once the snow melts.

Peace.