Wow. Its been a month, but at least I have some things to write about now.

First, my job. It still sucks, but now corporate agrees. I learned last week, and have been reassured this week, that I am going to be furloughed. That's politically correct talk for laid off. I haven't been billable for about three months now, and since the whole idea of creating a water market is starting to come unraveled, the big shots are getting nervous and are ready to start throwing us cogs overboard. I'm not getting any help from my co-workers, since I'm being blackballed for my performance last year. Great. Thanks gang. I have several options for employment elsewhere....at least I think I do. I don't want to go to another firm and sit there and flail. I need someone to work with on a team that will help me get over this huge dose of self-doubt that I have allowed myself to be served.

I've had a total blow out with someone at work that I have considered a friend. Wierd stuff. This kind of behavior is living proof that almost everyone here is feeling the heat.

OK, since this post has taken a few weeks to complete, it seems that I have been given a brief reprieve on the laid-off scenario. Whoo hoo. It is nice, actually, however it does nothing to define my role in this office. I've made some tentative contacts around town, and I'm not sure how good my chances are for employment elsewhere is. I still need to talk to someone at the Utility Authority and find out what the status of my application is. The politics may be a bit thick, but at least its a place to land for another 10 (!) years until retirement.

Mmmmmm.....retirement.

I'm trying to move the scuba trip along. I'm trying to keep Tim interested in trying it out, so at least I have someone to go diving with. I'm not really all that interested in diving in New Mexico, since the Blue Hole is really our only option. I do want to get more comfortable diving a dry suit so I can go hang with Joseph in San Diego and get some ocean dives in. More on that later.

Beth and I are maneuvering to try to get back in sync with each other. I admit I spend way too much time playing on-line games. This is starting to affect the way we relate, which is not where I want our relationship to go. I got a very interesting phone call from Paul the other day and listened to some observations from him on my relationship with Beth. He's a great friend, and I need to never forget that.

Larry and Josh are in town this weekend. There visit is not as stressful on Beth as I had feared, so the whole atmosphere is more relaxed than during past visits. Of course no one has died this time, so the whole mood is a bit more upbeat.

I need to gather myself mentally and physically so I can get through this next period of my life. I've faced way harder challenges, but I was younger then and had more energy. Wow. Unless I figure out a way to capture my muse and get excited about things again, I really am going to basically fade away. Disappear into the future with a whimper, not a shout.

Peace.