I finally got a haircut, and got to see my boys at 3D Kutz. Good young men, for the most part, and working hard to stay out of trouble. Dom's twins are out of the hospital and home for some time now. They are off the oxygen, and actually turning into normal babies. Awesome. The only thing left to do is get a 3D kutz tee, once they get some new XL's in.

Its now halfway into memorial day weekend, and boy does it feel great. We went to Santa Fe Saturday evening for dinner with Paul and Vi, Paul's brother Nick and our friend Kurt. Good times, but kind of a mediocre dinner. We ate at a place called el Farol on Canyon Rd. Its a tapas restaurant, so most of the dishes were small appetizer sized plates. At least we didn't overeat.

I finally got a bite on the Jeep. It was truly fun to drive it up to the mall to meet the prospective buyer. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll actually buy it. I could use the $$$.

So back to work. Not a bad thing. I've got one of my deadlines taken care of, now just one more to go tomorrow, and then things will stretch out some.

Damn, I can't believe the mess this country is in right now. How could people have really thought that our Presidential Decider was a true leader? He's got the depth of a 2-foot well, and has made no attempts at improving his ability to basically talk. And who in the Dem's camp will actually have a chance against almost anyone that the Republican slime machine puts up for the next Presidential election? Hopefully things don't go totally off track for the mid-term elections. Bush is going to leave an incredible mess to clean up when he leaves office, and whoever inherits that, R or D, is going to be in a world of hurt. Maybe that's the plan, to let the D's self destruct trying to deal with the Bush legacy and pick up the pieces in the 2012 elections.

Peace.

So now I'm writing on my blog at work. It must mean I have something to say, or else its yet another way to avoid having to concentrate on work. More on that later.

The weekend has come and gone, with some new insights to add to my quiver. I spent most of Saturday in a pretty introspective mood. It was a sort of dark mood, but it wasn't really down. More introspective than anything, with a lot of emphasis on trying to move past mistakes I've made lately and the self esteem consequences of those mistakes.

Sunday was much better for me, far worse for Beth. She had probably the most intense session of grief and anger regarding her mom, her past employment and her brothers that I have yet seen. She mentioned depression to the point of suicide. Other topics included the still unsettled issue of why Larry got the china and she didn't. She felt like her brothers disrespected her by not believing that her mom told her she could have the china. She will, I'm convinced, carry this forward to the point of a total rupture in her relationships with the bros. Especially with Josh. I wish her peace, but I don't know if my wife knows how to reach for an internal resolution or accept that which she cannot change. Not that I can, but I do know I can at least see the path.

Onward.

Things seemed better for Beth this morning. I want to support her, and I will. I got out of this weekend reasonably unscathed, since her anger was pointed elsewhere. It's nice not to be in the line of fire. Lo siento mucho, Larry y Josh.

Peace.

Its going to happen again this year
as the seasons change with a relentless rhythm.

The past will come back to haunt
and bring back so many memories of a life forever changed.

So much changes and so much stays the same
we have things removed from our lives and so rarely replaced

This goes on and on, and I'm not the only one
that feels the weight of our brief time on this world.

Its going to happen again this year
as the seasons change with a relentless rhythym.

So have you heard the one about the engineer that didn't finish anything and was finally plowed over by a large scraper? Didn't think so. And like any other engineer jokes, its not really funny.

I made some progress this week both at work and with my health. The UTI has finally cleared up. I'm amazed at how shitty a person can feel just being a little sick.

Work has gone somewhat better, in that something I suggested a year ago was finally accepted as being the correct course of action. Maybe I just have to speak louder next time. Rich and I spent most of the day last Thursday and Friday negotiating a simple contract with the State Interstate Stream Commission to build a pipeline that would supplement the water in the Pecos River. What a pain in the ass.

I got a call from an old friend, Roy Robinson from the Water Authority yesterday. Roy offered me a job at the City of Alb. right after I finished up grad school, but I had already committed to the Forest Service. This might be the time to check in with Roy about maybe, just maybe, finishing up my career at the water authority. Hmmmmm....that sounds so tempting. No more billable hours, no more having to kiss clients' asses, no more fighting for my projects and having to absorb all shit that comes from having mistakes on a plan set. Maybe an I-ching is in order.

Beth is out of town this coming week. I'm looking forward to a bit of solo time, and maybe even get enough energy together to throw some stuff out and clean up the garage.

I still need to start my exercise routine back up for the summer. Its weird how easy it becomes to be lazy, hang out, play DM, etc. My new Buddha conscience tells me that I should indeed strive to become as healthy as possible, but I shouldn't be guilty about procrastinating. I need to keep reading Lama Surya Das's book. I am encouraged that at least try to meditate when things get overly stressful. I have definitely had a realization of how I act sometimes when I'm with Beth. Strange motivations sometimes, almost bordering on spiteful. Weird. I don't want to be a spiteful person, so I guess I won't.

Peace.

OK....I hate repeating myself, so here's a quick update on the world as it revolves around Allan.

Beth and I had a nice go around concerning some damaged laundry, the request for an apology, a snippy retort and then a threat to leave me. Sweet. I don't know.

I just informed my bride that we were going to have to dip into her inheritance from her folks since we really haven't slowed down on our purchases since she quit work. That went over real big. Hopefully that will calm down some.

I'm feeling kind of shitty again, as it looks like the infection is back again. I really want to put an end to this so I can start feeling healthy again.

Damn, do I need to go exercise and get rid of this belly. I don't think I've ever been this fat.

Postive things? Not sure today, and I haven't been in the mood to notice much positive the last month or so.

I need a change, and I really need a break from work for a while. Can you say vacation?

More later, and more sooner than a month from now.

Peace.