Some days lead to an unexpected amount of introspection. Reading through previous posts, it’s obvious that one of my recurring themes includes my non-fulfilling career as an engineer. It’s probably a pretty boring subject. Oh well. It’s probably because I lead a pretty boring life at the present. The times where my life wasn’t boring coincided with my immersion into some activity, pastime or project. The latest example that comes to mind was my three years playing sled hockey.

I really enjoyed the time I spent on the ice. The best time was my year sabbatical from work where I managed to play pick up games with stand up skaters at least twice a week. I traveled a bunch, and spent way too many hours on a plane flying to Buffalo, NY. I never understood the descriptive “rust belt” until I drove around Buffalo. Lining the highways were the remnants of a long dead industrial stronghold where untold millions of tons of U.S. manufactured goods were produced. Steel mills, now shuttered and rusting away. The Wurlitzer Organ plant, a long abandoned and boarded up factory/castle that produced so many of the instruments that fell into disuse several generations ago.

I played hockey in New Jersey, in a small town about 40 miles east of Philadelphia. Mark Weimer and I flew in at night, drove through the fog and drizzle to our hotel, and never saw any of the landscape around us. We left during the day, however, so we got to see the surroundings in the gray light of a foggy and drizzly day. I vaguely remember lots of trees along the highway into Phily. Once we arrived into the City of Brotherly Love’s metropolitan area, I more clearly remember the miles and miles of tank farms, chemical plants and run down neighborhoods. All in all, not a very flattering picture of that part of the country. Such is the hazard of short itinerary travel.

We played a tournament in Massachusetts about an hour west of Boston. Beth went with me on that trip, but spent the entire time goofing off with our dear friend Martha in the city while I drove myself to the tournament. The drive back was so much more fun, as I drove our coach Haley to her great uncle and aunt’s house in some suburb south of Boston. The towns and neighborhoods we drove through were so “east coast” that I was in awe. The styles of houses, the brick downtowns, the multiple renditions of steepled brick protestant churches, and the omnipresent crush of so so many people.

I played in a tournament in New Hampshire, where we hung on every local word waiting to hear someone say “Pawk the Caw”. LIVE FREE OR DIE was the proclamation on the license plates. The view from the highway on the way to our hotel looked a lot like coastal Oregon. Lots of pitched roof homes with crappy siding slowly returning to the dank earth. Lots of moss covered roofs and vines covered walls.

I went to a camp in Chicago, where I was totally out of my league trying for a spot on the national team while dealing with some of the most bigoted assholes I have ever met in my life. We played on the Chicago Blackhawk’s ice before a game, and I sat the whole time, not getting one second of playing time. I remember commenting on the huge populations of geese that were wintering on the golf course next to our hotel, only to hear how all the geese should be killed for the pests they are. Not a great time in Chicago. I still don’t know why anyone ever decided to put a town there.

There were a bunch of other trips. Most of those were local, and involved traveling to Colorado. Much better not only in terms of travel time, but also easier to blend into the part of the country that better fits me.

OK. Enough for now.

Obama is President; the D’s didn’t get their super majority so there will be a check and balance in place in congress; and the guy that writes the Fresh Bilge blog is still alive and getting even more bitter.

The economy is in a shambles and it is even more obvious that us Americuns need to go spend our hard earned money on Xmas crap from China to restart the now moribund economic engine.

Peace.

Hey, it's a new dawn in America. Or should I say....Obamanation? It actually happened. Obama got elected!! It wasn't exactly a landslide on the popular vote side, but it was certainly a wipe out in electoral college land. Democrats took states that had been in the R column for decades. Indiana, Virginia, North Carolina and even good 'ol new Mexico. It's been a couple of weeks now after the election, so I've had a chance to sit back and bask in the victory, gloat at the right-wing noise machines impotent whines and consider how much President Obama has on his yet-to-be-inaugurated plate.

So what does the world look like as we cruise into the end of '08. It's getting closer and closer to the teenage years of this century, and it's pretty grim. Our retirement has lost almost 40% of its value, and unemployment is inching up. The US automobile industry is circling the drain, and has been forced to go to Congress to plead for a loan in order to stay in business. Wow. I guess that's what happens when you basically build cars that no one wants to buy and leave yourself totally extended in legacy retirement costs. I'm going to place a small amount of blame at the auto union's feet, as I don't know exactly what concessions they have made in order to keep the industry, and their own jobs, going. I'm pretty much in the camp of letting the big three declare bankruptcy so they can restructure and continue operations with as little disruption as possible. I don't understand how loaning them money is going to force their hand to streamline their operations and rethink how they build cars. It's kind of funny, sort of, that american cars are actually pretty good vehicles and have been getting better reliability ratings as well as gas mileage for some time now. But no one is buying them. Wierd. Perception is everything, and the competition, especially from asia, is really tough.

There are still a couple of wars going on, and hopefully the new Pres. et al can figure out a way to back the US out. Its mind boggling to think how much has been spent over there, in human lives as well as legal tender. Has it been worth it. Absolutely not!! What a horrendous waste. What a crime.

Peace.

Time out.

It’s time to pause and try to decipher yet another day at the office. My career. The place where I spend the majority of my time. Sometimes I’m awake enough to enjoy a fast pace engineering day. Sometimes, I’m not. Today, I’m not.

Beth had a tough day yesterday at her job. She was asked, once again, to speed things up. I’m very worried that once again, Beth’s round personality is being forced into a square hole. She wants to do her job, likes the work, the work place and her co-workers, but unless she figures out how to whittle off her round edges enough to fit in the square hole, the job may not be very long lasting.

That kept me up way too late. That and the pooches were totally into sleeping on top of me last night. I love the little critters, but damn I wish they didn’t sleep on our bed. Three big pit bulls (yeah, Bob still gets up on the bed) take up a lot of room. Add in the fact that August really likes to cuddle up behind my head, and the result is a pretty mediocre sleep.

I’m unclear on how the final debate last night will affect the vote just three weeks from now. That is not a lot of time for McSame to stage a comeback, but it may prove to be enough. He looked pissed off and nervous all night long. He wrote obsessively in his notepad all night. I’d love to actually see what he wrote. He blinked and rolled his eyes. He made dismissive noises. It was weird and ultimately creepy. Obama did not sink to McSame’s level. He stayed above the fray, and presented himself as cool and in charge. McSame at least twice denigrated Obama’s eloquence as an attempt to hide the intent of a statement. What a crock. McSame only heard what he wanted to hear, and to hell with the truth. But none of this will make a difference to the right wing noise machine. It’s still going to be 100% Ayers and Rev. Wright. This is especially true if the long standing republican tradition of voter suppression and out-right voter fraud works as well as it has in the past two presidential elections.

Lastly, I’m not a very popular person right now at home. August managed to chew out his stitches, and now has a gaping hole in his nut-less little scrotum. I called the vet, and was asked to bring him in asap this morning so she could see him in between surgeries. Beth is home today and tomorrow, so I called to let her know that now would be the time to bring the dog in. She was asleep (around 9:45 AM) and wasn’t happy about the time frame. I softly reminded her that not everyone works on a noon to midnight schedule. She supposedly got up, and hopefully she managed to get the dog in.

Maybe I’ll send her some flowers.

Peace.

Early morning, October 13, 2008. The election is winding down, but the outcome is still, in my mind, unsettled.

The McSame campaign has opened up the door for all that bubbling shit pile of racial bigotry to come oozing out at his campaign rallies. The expectant father worried about the safety of his unborn fetus if Obama is elected due to his sympathy for terrorists. The addled old lady (who we only see from the back so we can all note her rat's nest hair) mouthing the words "....he's an Arab" and watching McSame grab the microphone out of her hand an offering a lame rebuttal that he's a good man and he's not Arab. The yells of "TERRORIST" and the surprisingly fey "OFF WITH HIS HEAD" from the rabid McSame crowd leave a lot of people wondering where this whole thing went wrong.

I actually know where this did go wrong. It's a result of a campaign that has lost all of its moorings, and has no other message to offer. It's a return to the same old shit of impugning the character of your opponent rather than facing down the issues. It also plays to that portion of the populace that is very concerned that Obama is not, wait for it, white. Hell, Para Salin has already dropped the bomb that Sen. Obama is not really like one of us. Who's us, white lady?

For the first time this year, it was actually kind of a necessity to wear a jacket between the dash from the parking structure to our building. It is beautiful. Nice sleeping weather, with daytime highs in the upper 60's to 70's, a day/night swing of about 35 degrees. This is truely the nicest time of the year.

Work has been about the same, some successes but mostly just tedium. It's been extremely helpful to have Beth's income, and this time around, we are not going to squander it. With the uncertainty in the financial markets, we need to make sure we're saving some coin.

OK, onward. I want to spend some time composing a political post and organize some more memoir based posts.

I was flashing on the memory yesterday of standing in my folks' den for Sheri's first marriage. Wow. I was maybe 19 or 20. That was so long ago, and so much has happened, mostly bad, in my sister's life since then. More on that in later posts.

We need to go travel soon. I'm still trying to get out to San Diego so I can see if I still know how to scuba. Joseph will be a very good dive buddy, and it'd be a hoot to go get wet (or dry, depending if I get to use my dry suit).

Peace.

OK, back to it.

Things are looking up some, but it's still a push to sit here and be productive.

Beth has had somewhat of an epiphany on her health, and is managing her meds way better and as a result feels better.

Seven years ago this morning I was reading the paper when Beth stuck her head in the bathroom (where I normally read the paper in the morning) and mentioned an airplane had just flown into one of the WTC towers. I finally turned off the TV after the second tower fell. I couldn't watch anymore. I was still on my hockey sabbatical, so I had the morning to myself after Beth went to work. I went outside and finished up my morning doggy patrol in the back yard with my Sony radio and headphones. Since it was a Tuesday, I drove up to Blades for my weekly open ice pick-up game still in a state of shock. We all talked about the attack, and shared opinions on what might happen next.

I'll never forget how empty the skies were the following week, as all air traffic was shut down.

I won't ever forget, but I will never use this tragedy to justify the murder of thousands of innocent Iraqi's in a needless and immoral war.

So as the price of gas has gone up, the number of motorcycles on the road has also grown. I am so jealous. Bike equipment, helmets and protective gear, have gotten so much more available and affordable that most of the riders are sporting really sweet leathers, jackets, etc. Damn. If it wasn't for my unfortunate evening motorcycle ride, I too could be out styling on my Yamaha for all the ladies.

I've managed to get a couple of hand cycle rides in this week, so at least I'm starting to get that part of my life back. Maybe, just maybe, we can plan a small trip next month, and get back into traveling.

And lastly, the election is indeed slipping away. McSame has brought on a crazy white woman as his VP pick, which has bolstered his base of crazy white people. It's a shame.

Peace.

So the Democratic convention has started; I'm launching on my first e-space argument/insult session with a right wing nut on a local new site; and Beth and I had another drag out know down fight last night.

I need to just keep my mouth shut. Certainly she talks enough for both of us, so why do I need to assume I should say anything? I don't want to argue, but I always forget how incredibly sensitive she is if whe thinks I'm telling her she is "wrong" about things medical. I forget how mentioning she said something totally different in her raving not two minutes before is somehow my fault and that I'm just arguing with her. If I had any guts, I'd....actually have enough guts to even write down what I thnk I need to do. Scary times.

I think deep down I'm setting myself up to remove myself from almost any day to day activity. My work has turned into a miasma of SHIT, and I think I'm working myself out of my marriage. Why? I don't know.

I'm worried. I'm scared.

Peace.

OK, quick update. I have been thinking about this map since it showed up in the email yesterday, courtesy of the Sierra Club.

Why the big oil land grab? Why not!! The US Gov has a long history of land giveaways starting with the railroads. It doesn't hurt to have just a little bit more of the public land tucked away just to be safe. What a load of horse shit that we need to open up more of OUR country so big oil can make even more money.

One more thing. How is it that J.Q. Public really believes that drilling now will lower the price of gas at the pump now? Why would the oil companies want to lower prices? Do people honestly think that oil drilled in the U.S. will be offered on the world market at a lower price than oil from other sources? Wow.

Anyway....here's the map.

Peace. Be smart. Listen to the messages being presented by our candidates, and please try to ignore the noise coming from both sides of the issues.

OK, blog has launched. Wednesday August 20, 2008. Here's another entry in a blog that has no readers and therefore no comments. Oh well.

I got home very agitated last night after having a bit of a yelling match with a local radio talk show host. The host made some snide comment asking "...why would people with money vote for Obama?" What an arrogant prick. I dialed in and answered his question. I told him that our household makes a fair amount of money, and others that I know who make a fair amount of money would certainly be voting for Obama....because we weren't GREEDY!" Damn, did that get him going. Basically, after a short conversation where he asked me to tell him how much money I made (I refused); him telling me that no one knows who I am; me asking him who he thought he was; he hung up on me telling the radio audience that I was a rude jerk. But, he was still talking about how he wasn't greedy for a good ten minutes after our brief conversation. I'm very glad I hit a nerve.

This radio show is a local echo of the right-wing noise machine that this station programs. The local host has in the past shown himself to be less of a ideologue than say Hannity or Limbaugh, but he still panders to the a pretty vocal portion of the local populace that calls in to vilify the "left-wing socialists that want to take their money and guns away". Brilliant.

I've been reading various blogs that report on volcanic events around the planet. It's been a real treat to read about these eruptions as well as getting a short course lesson in volcanology. One of the links on one of the blogs leads to a web-cam view of the Chaiten volcano in southern Chile. This is a mountain that hasn't erupted for around 10,000 years, and is now putting on quite a show. Three solid months of constant venting, although the current plumes are mostly steam with some ash content. It's spectacular, none-the-less, as I have always wanted to travel to the tip of South America and maybe even navigate around The Horn.

One of the volcano blogs has led me to a gentleman's blog that covers volcanoes as well as expounding on the world politic. I don't agree with the majority of his political opinions, as he is a tad reactionary in his right-wing leanings. I do, however, admire the tone of his political postings. So certain. So strong. No compromise. I like that.

So, in keeping with this approach, the political portion of this entry will be certain, strong and with no quarter given. Electing John McCain as president will be an unmitigated disaster for this country. We've already had 8-years of a corrupt administration that has taken this country down a path from which there may no return. John McCain has been a willing participant in this effort. He represents the same old crap doled out to my fellow Americans by a political party that represents the richest and GREEDIEST part of our society. No one is better off than they were eight years ago, especially in terms of HOPING that the people on this planet can actually learn to live together. This John McCain is not the same man that ran against W. eight years ago. He has sold his soul in order to become President.

So here's the deal. I think I had better get used to another Republican in the White House. The criminals that are responsible for getting and keeping W. in the White House have not gone anywhere. I have no doubt that their efforts to paint Obama as a closet Muslim and an elitist will pay off, and lead to his defeat.

I hope I change my mind later as the election nears (t-minus 76 days and counting). I know who I'm voting for, but I'm afraid that once again I will be in the minority. At least there is still hope that Congress will gain a bigger Democratic majority that will provide some check to the ominous spectre of yet another Republican as our President.

Peace.

Wow, these are actually coming fast and furious these days.

We went out to a friends house on Friday night. JD and JoAnn had some folks over, and we had a real nice time lounging on their deck at chez Placitas. Beautiful weather, especially after sunset. Ah, New Mexico. So nice and cool at around 6,500' asl. Good conversation, and interesting take from people that either own their own businesses or are principles in large firms. One of the guys there owns the #27 Eclipse jet.

Which brings me to the point of this post. I'm wondering what happened that I didn't push more to get that golden egg. I never had the big idea that would make my fortune, and apparently never had the drive at work to really try to climb the corporate ladder. (I'm writing about not climbing the ladder while I'm blogging.) We've had some success and are most definitely able to make money and live a pretty good life, but the pursuit of wealth never really took over. I'd like to say we (Beth and I) have made other things in our life a priority, but for right now, both of us are pretty sedentary.

We used to travel a lot, but that kind of went away while Beth went on her walkabout. Maybe we can recapture the excitement and desire to pack up some bags and take a trip. Shit, we can't even get around to taking a weekend trip to San Diego to go see Joseph. I'm going to push hard to try to make a trip to Brooklyn to see Matthew a reality.

My birthday came and went with little fanfare this year. That's absolutely OK with me, as I would like to be in as much denial as possible about getting older.

I'm feeling less than hopeful about the coming Presidential election. The forces of darkness and oppression have tuned their message well, and I'm certain that Obama will be whittled down to nothing by the time the election rolls around. Grampy McSame is a crazy old man suffering from a severe case of PTSD, but he may become the next President. Nothing changes, really. Yet another old white man presenting himself as the person that can lead our sick society in the direction where everyone can thrive. I guess that means we will all be able to go shopping, just like W told us to do every time something went wrong these last eight years.

One a more interesting note, here's the latest picture of the Chaiten volcano. Keeping up with the eruptions have been a lot of fun, as I have stumbled on a bunch of great world-wide volcano resources.

Be strong.

Peace.

So back to work after the long weekend. Damn, I need more than three days off in a row. One of the best things my old boss Harry Kringler said was that a person really needs at least two weeks off. One to unwind, and the second to actually vacation without thinking about work. The trouble is, I don't want to spend the entire two weeks hanging around the house, so maybe I'll have to work out a week off and a week traveling.

I've got to figure out how to get off the gaming cycle. Maybe I'll try to cancel my COH account and get a refund. I enjoy the game, but having the second game available where I don't need to have team mates on makes it way to easy to while away countless hours jumping around Paragon City or the Rouge Isles. I don't play on many teams, so it's mostly a solo effort. OK, I'm going to do it.

I kind of blew off Tim and Jen this weekend. Both Beth and I need to get over and see the new nino, so hopefully we can get this done this week. Hell, the way we procrastinate, he'll be graduating from high school before we drop bye with his baby gifts.

Our house is still a total disaster. Beth's stuff is strewn through every room. I tried to throw away a piece of shit plastic container that got retrieved from the trash. We're never going to make any progress if we can't get rid of anything. Now, honestly, Beth has shown great fortitude in getting rid of junk, it just has to be at a time and place of her choosing. Go Beth, Go!!

OK, I'm being really nice. No complaints, no worries.

Peace. Work for a change in this country, and the world. Yes, we can.

Greetings. The process continues, with the meetings multiplying, the designs ever changing, and productivity levels resembling the spikes in my blood pressure. Ah, work.

I'm surprised that my friends over at the Initial Firm haven't figured out how to use a very productive individual yet. Hang in there bud, hopefully you can keep your head down long enough to stay employed. Maybe just maybe someone can figure out a way to work you into a project in which you can shine. The rest of the crew over there, with some very notable exceptions (hell, everyone mostly), should wonder if it's worth sticking around a foundering, if not sinking, barge.

Summer sucks. It's hot, the wife complains even more, and the house smells a lot like dogs. Big surprise, since we now are up to four canines-in-residence. The two elder pooches (Lila & Bob) are really no problem, and spend a lot of time asleep and lounging. They deserve it. The two young punks (Iris & August) are into EVERYTHING!! Nothing is safe. They chewed the tongues out of both my rare and valuable Osiris D3's. They are about to totally ruin the leather cushion on the living room couch. I have no idea where my rolling gloves have gone. No roll of toilet paper is safe. And, August is still only about 60% housebroken. Little jerk. I'm home for three days in a row this long weekend so I guess I'm going to "dog" him all weekend and kick his little spotted ass when I see him sneak off to shit or pee. Little jerk.

I've somehow become very addicted to talk radio. The main station at work is the local Air America station. I laugh at the morning show. I sort of listen to the noon show, the blow hard Ed Schultz. I really like to listen to the afternoon show, Tom Hartmann. But once these shows end at 4 PM, I usually turn everything off or sometimes sneak over to the local KKOB crapfest Jim Villanuci show.

I must resist the urge to listen to this local call in show. The station itself runs all the nationally syndicated right-wing sound machines, so its listener base is clearly made up of all those conservative wacko's that somehow believe Limbutt and Slant Head are sources of fact. All these listeners are poised by their phones waiting to call the local show in order to affirm the host's assertions about typical right-wing talking points. Liberal judges? Check. Gun rights? Affirmative. Liberals going after "our" hard earned dollars? Absolutely. To the host's credit, he does not easily tolerate the religious nuts that call, and has a pretty strong stance on overall freedom of choice when it comes to abortion. But he also fulfills the role required to allow his listeners to spew crap just to hear their voices on the radio in order to maintain ratings. What a waste. No real discussions, just blah blah blah at all time.

Anyway, back to it.

Here we go, confusion reigns.

Have a safe 4th of July. Work for better times in this country, and don't believe what you hear from the noise machine.

Peace.

So, the anniversary came and went. It wasn't so bad, as I was able to keep the monster in the basement pretty successfully this year. It's always an interesting process to keep the sorrow all bottled up down there, while only allowing myself an occasional peek at the still black pit of sorrow and loss.

Speaking of which, I'm pretty sad today, mourning the person I once was and wishing I was not the person I am.

Peace. Someone needs to have some.

Not too bad. Another post only a couple of months separated from the last.

It's kind of funny. Sitting here this morning facing down a pile of bureaucratic bullshit, it occurred to me I need to bang out a blog post.

So I'm going to celebrate my 21st anniversary sitting in a window looking down 8 floors to the intersection where my legs worked for the very last time. Hmmm. Strange? Kind of. Coincidental? Most definitely! Maybe I'll take the day off. Most wise.

Beth has settled down, and does not seem to be so quick to lash out with tales of terminal cancer or bleak despondence. I'm not entirely sure that she will ever go back to work. Damn, that'd be nice. I know if she sticks around the house long enough, most of her stuff will get cleared out of the living room.

Politics. The noise machine is totally committed to wringing out any dirt they can on Obama. The best example is the media's blind fascination with the Rev. Wright, and how because he was the pastor in Obama's church, he is a reflection of Obama's core beliefs. What a stupid crock of shit. This whole thing is a stupid crock of shit. The Dems are going to kill each other and with it any chance of winning back the executive branch of government. Maybe the D's think they can get away with beating each other on the head because the race against McLame will be a cakewalk. I hope not, as there are many ways that this race can be stolen to allow yet another lame piece-of-shit Republican to be president.

I'll come up with some more tales from the past next post. Maybe even some politics.

Peace.

Bright and early on a Wednesday morning, I’m wondering where this latest drama will go. I got totally railed at last night talking to Beth about how to manage our finances during her employment hiatus.

The sharpest riposte….”All you want to talk about is money when I’m dying of breast cancer.”

Wow.

The next….”Don’t worry about money, all this will be yours when I’m dead.”

Wow. Oh wait, I already said that.

I understand that she is scared right now, and she has the genetic reason to be so. Her breast definitely has a mottled patch, which could be an indicator of breast cancer. But c’mon, neither of us need to invent any future incident or condition and use it as an excuse to FREAK OUT!!

I don’t know how to help her out anymore. It doesn’t matter what I say, she’s determined to be miserable right now. Hopefully some of this will go away with her doctor’s appointment this coming Friday. If we get bad news, we’ll have to deal with it.

I feel bad that I said she was hanging around not doing anything. That is really not true. She’s been cleaning up like mad. She’s taking care of the dogs, and actually getting some exercise. She’s started her job search as well as the process to get reimbursed for all the doctor’s visits that she didn’t claim. All these positive things, and she’s still miserable.

There’s a lot of darkness out there waiting to ambush us and put a damper on our happiness. The pursuit of happiness is not an easy task, as it is way to easy to give into the darkness and become obsessed with the drama of all the shitty things that could happen to us. Or wallow around in all the shitty things that have already happened to us.

We used to be able to face this stuff down as a couple, and move on. We used to have fun.

Damn. Stay tuned. Wish us luck.

Peace.