I'm kind of sitting around waiting to jump start my day.

Beth is still in bed. That's a good thing, as anytime she is awake she is complaining. I wish I could do something to help, but there are far too many land mines on that path that prevent me from doing much more than watch. I wish she could actually stop and collect herself before she goes frantic and either lashes out or makes her restlessness even worse.

I can't change her, but I can love her. I am very curious where my ongoing attempts at becomming a bit more at peace with myself are going to lead in terms of our relationship. My silence makes her uncomfortable, but trying to talk just to make noise is very bothersome at the present time. I'm sure this is part of the influence that Arthur left me (miss u dad), and for that I am grateful. He would not abide with excess noise, which brings up many memories of him asking us kids to "hold it down!".

This whole buddhist thing is very interesting. I end up thinking about my individual path way more than I would have guessed. I'm trying to aproach my life with an openmindedness that will allow me to accept, process and make decisions without going through the anxiety shortcut. That, at least to me, is the what being mindful means.

Peace.