Back home from another doctor appointment. I know Beth is totally burned out from all this, but it hit me today how almost meaningless all these trips are. This one was just a checkup, so no procedures today. That's great, but it's kind of a wasted trip. I'm trying hard not to complain, but I feel like I'm just this cog that's expected to do everything, and right now I don't want to do shit. 

My bride looks totally worn out. She's a shell of herself. She's being tortured and quite possibly for nothing. This sucks. Fuck cancer.

 Wow, over two months since my last post. Time drags on and speeds by at the same time. 

We've had some good days, sometimes even several in a row. But, in general, Beth feels like shit most of the time. Her mood is very fragile, as the cancer eats at her body and the chemo fogs her brain. 

I'm trying so hard to be supportive, but truthfully, I'm losing it. I am feeling so lethargic, and not able to do the simplest stuff around the house. Laziness is part of it, but most everything seems kind of hopeless right now.

Beth's treatments are coming to an end, for now. If all goes well we will then go to Houston for the surgery component of the treatment. And then we wait and try to take life a day at a time and not worry about what will come. Unfortunately, I fear I will be losing my Beth in the not too distant future. I know that we never know when our time on this spinning rock will come to an end, but to know how and why it's going to happen really hurts. And watching her suffer through all this is breaking me.

Onward.